Mom finally loses her head.

IMG_2417, originally uploaded by lisacillessen.

This picture has gotten many the question. Here is the simple answer: It was just random. Don't read too much into it. I don't really share my love of the gothic much (Hello, O'Connor and Faulkner are two of my fave writers), but I love the juxtaposition of creepy with the normal. I don't like it all to be puppies and soft carpets and softer light. Sometimes I like it to be edgy. And weird.

My parents re-landscaped their yards last year. On the fringes of the front yards, they built these mulchy hills called 'berms.' The nice Arizona-rejects (ha!) who put in the berms also planted all sorts of grasses and trees and crazy, almost too-bright tulips. So, when I arrived at dinner club (that's a whole other blog) it happened to be the magical hour of light. I grabbed camera, patio table and set up some shots. I stood in the mulch. I just showed toes. I sat and extended legs from left edge of photo in. Upon review of that last pose, it looked like there was a body on the berm. I reset the shot and placed my legs as though I were an extra on CSI: Suburbia. Presto. I had gone dark in the magical hour of light. So, I went with the full body shot.

I did not purposely obscure my head. That was a lucky angle. And I'm sorry, folks, but that is a kick-ass picture. It's morbid and dark and all that...but the lighting, the color and--dare I say--the model are all well composed in the photograph.

I promise not to channel too much more of my inner-Poe, but it will happen again. I'm committed (pun intended) to Flickr's 365 days project--a self-portrait every day for a year. I'm working to become better at taking pictures. And if that means I have to be crime scene model here and there, I am sorry if I upset...the reaction is unintentionally garnered, even if the shot is not.

Click-and-C

Did you just Tudor?

IMG_1485, originally uploaded by lisacillessen.

As part of my mission to be as well-read and knowledgeable as possible for my trip to London this July, I picked up the daunting The Six Wives of Henry VIII by Alison Weir. I wasn't actually convinced I could make it through the novel, but I did. Many of my planned destinations now surround the people, places and events in this novel. I'm moving on to Weir's The Lady Elizabeth next.

It dawned on me the other day that I will see Shakespeare's Henry VIII on The Globe stage. He wrote this during Elizabeth I's reign (Henry VIII, remember, is Elizabeth's father). It was a silly moment, but it dawned on me how truly contemporary the Bard really was. (And brave...) As a queen, Elizabeth was a formidable woman who wielded power better than many a male royal; as a daughter, Elizabeth appears to have desperately sought the affection of a father who never really took to her (may have something to do with the fact THAT HE HAD HER MOTHER BEHEADED). I guess Elizabeth gets the last laugh, however: Her father thought woman had no business ruling a kingdon. Ha.

As I was doing some follow up research, I came across this nugget on YouTube. Enjoy.

A cool part of my job…
When a former student returns from her first semester at NYU bearing A’s and B’s on her transcript AND an autographed copy of Jonathan Safran Foer’s newest book made out to me.

A frustrating part of my job…
Having 30 copies of a book when I need 40.

A cool part of my job…
When my mentor teacher (by random coincidence) has one of my students babysit and upon asking said student if she knows me, the student replies, ‘OhmyGawd, Mrs. C was my FAVORITE teacher EVER.” Best part? I thought the kid didn’t like me or my class at all!

A frustrating part of my job…
Feeling overwhelmed all the time. Feeling like I’m always operating at half-assed. Feeling like I could save more kids than I do.

A cool part of my job…
Working with people who inspire me. Working with people who do things for a students that the child’s own parents do not. Working with people who shell our money for books, clothing, bus fares, lunch money and so much more when a kid cannot. Working with people who are smart, outrageous, and so very funny. Working with teachers.

Long day at the OffiCe

More-of/Less-of

Today, I posted my week’s menu planning as a status update on Facebook. A friend commented back, mentioning that she also does her menu planning on Sunday nights and to check out this blog: http://menumommy.blogspot.com/. I figured it was a blog where moms met and talked about meal planning, and shared recipes. Lo and behold, however, this was my friend’s own blog complete with months’ worth of writing about meal planning, links to recipes, and comments from many people. I was amazed. And annoyed.

I looked to the top of the page, and saw that Blogger had signed me in under my old blog. I had not posted a new blog in months and months (nine to be exact). I always feel it is a slippery slope to put myself out there into cyberspace; I teach in a public school and am therefore not a private citizen. Still. My annoyance came from the fact that as I read my previous posts, I knew I could write more. Write better. Write now. With that in mind, I began to read my old posts.

As the New Year is still newborn, I looked to last year’s post on resolutions (republished below). So how did I do? I didn’t make the mark on 1, 3, 6, or 19. I tried 2, but ended up realizing I could get 21 without the ‘buy’ part. I don’t remember the Urban Bourbon Trail or why in God’s name I would do 13. I wish I could afford 14. And then there is 17.

I don’t like the idea of a Resolution. The kids I work with on our school debate team always have to debate resolutions. True—everything has a pro and con side, including my lists below. But maybe instead of saying I am ‘resolved’ to do something, I could just create a list against which I could measure my progress with more realistic shifts in behavior and attitude: there are things I would like to do more of, and things I would like to do less of. So, with that said, I introduce the first ever, 2010 edition of the ‘More-of/Less-of List.’

Less-of:
1. Cursing when it is not warranted (When someone nearly side-swipes you: Yes. When you can’t find a match to a sock: No.)
2. Procrastinating on the following: grading (I give myself a D for that nonsense) and starting big projects (our room).
3. Accepting mediocrity from myself or others around me (“The height of mediocrity is still low.” Vanna Bonta)


More-of:
1. Taking walks around the lake. (The ducks miss us.)
2. Making delicious, healthy meals (already off to a good start on this one).
3. Writing. (Like this.)

C-Me More

Last year’s Resolutions…
1. Walk my dogs on a regular basis.
2. Sell my house.
3. Curse less.
4. Eat more chocolate.
5. Drink less scotch.
6. Quit bullshitting so much.
7. Try harder not to break #3.
8. Avoid passive aggressive commentary in blogs.
9. Avoid yuppies.
10. There went #8.
11. Stop being so hard on self.
12. Tour the "Urban Bourbon Trail."
13. Throw a fun Kentucky Derby party.
14. Look for good deals to travel to California wine country.
15. Re-think #5.
16. Floss more regularly.
17. Be more timely with tasks (i.e. making New Year's resolutions on the 22nd of
January).
18. Judge less. Do more to be judged by.
19. Wii fit the hell out of my nasty-ass muffin tops.
20. Never, ever put #3 on list again.
21. Buy a nicer house.
22. Nevermind #21. That'll make me break #9.

A Rocky Goodbye

It's their fault. The reporting was weak; the front page showed Denver's unseasonably warm temperatures over the passage of the first bailout.

It's Craig's fault. If only he hadn't started that list.

It's my fault. I read the news online.

I grew up in a literate household—meaning more, of course, than just our ability to decode words. Papers were always on the kitchen table, the nightstands, the couch. I remember rushing home after the Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine, and 9-11 to read the Rocky. I planned many a weekend based off the Spotlight section. I growled about how the book-like format of the Rocky was so much better than the tablecloth-size of an opened Post. I devoured the comics. All past tense, including this: I haven't held a subscription in years. The Sunday Post-News lands on my driveway, but even many of these end up in the recycling bin, unopened.

The laptop, however, is opened daily. Indeed, I confess: I read about the paper's death online.

When listening to the English teachers lament the death of the Rocky, a history teacher commented: When's the last time you received a telegram? Of course communication devices evolve as a direct result of a community's communication needs. We know this. But in the great land that is America, the almighty buck communicates with the greatest volume. If good writers working in an industry with tested, proved ethical standards and practices are no longer being paid…well…

Like any good English teacher, I must quote Faber from Fahrenheit 451: "First the newspapers went, dying like great giant moths." I worry about the far-reaching consequences of the extinction of our more traditional literary formats. Many in the news industry are arguing for pay-to-read information; I highly doubt those reading their news online with go with this retroactive scheme.

So, RIP RMN. My best wishes to those who are now unemployed, including a balanced news city.

Funniest Child Alive

Dinner with my Family...

C (my son): Mom. Do you know what an afro is?

Me: (almost shoots water out of nose) Yes, son.

C: Well, today, Eli brought one to school. And on recess we chased him around saying, 'Ahhhh....Can we have an autograph Michael Jackson?'

Lisa 'my DNA makes funny' C

New Web Fun

I have two new favorite places to visit between the usual Facebook, et al...

Check out ning.com: You can set up your own social network. I am trying to integrate this into my classroom. Should be interesting...

Also, visit blip.fm: Build your own 'radio station' of music without ever uploading a song. Make a profile and then just search for music you love...and voila! You have your own playlist you can access anywhere. Might help keep you from having your iPod stolen.

That's it for today...

LC

My New Year's Resolutions

(Note to reader: I will only tell you of my successes. Do not expect updates. List is subject to change.)

1. Walk my dogs on a regular basis.
2. Sell my house.
3. Curse less.
4. Eat more chocolate.
5. Drink less scotch.
6. Quit bullshitting so much.
7. Try harder not to break #3.
8. Avoid passive aggressive commentary in blogs.
9. Avoid yuppies.
10. There went #8.
11. Stop being so hard on self.
12. Tour the "Urban Bourbon Trail."
13. Throw a fun Kentucky Derby party.
14. Look for good deals to travel to California wine country.
15. Re-think #5.
16. Floss more regularly.
17. Be more timely with tasks (i.e. making New Year's resolutions on the 22nd of January).
18. Judge less. Do more to be judged by.
19. Wii fit the hell out of my nasty-ass muffin tops.
20. Never, ever put #3 on list again.
21. Buy a nicer house.
22. Nevermind #21. That'll make me break #9.

C-me-resolve...

Faithfully Execute or Execute Faithfully?

Either way...the new prez has hit the ground running.

Someone needs to send the name of a good mover to the kids at Gitmo, Suze Orman's books to those with now frozen salaries, and some doves for immediate release to the leaders in Palestine and Israel.

Day One: A

C-is-for-Change

Back in the Saddle...or Something Else Equally Uncomfortable

I compose blogs in my head--often. I need to write more. For too long I felt like I had to consign to some preformed notion of blogging, some set of guidelines that other bloggers had figured out but whose correct form had eluded me. Well that silliness is done with.


Ramble on,
And now's the time,
the time is now
To sing my song.
I'm goin round the world...

Led Zeppelin

Always tell the truth. Even if you have to make it up. ~Author Unknown

This is me giving myself advice. I mean for this to go along with my last blog.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it.
Mark Twain

“Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.”
Frank A. Clark

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

"Gossip and slander are not victimless crimes. Words do not just dissipate into midair. . . . Words can injure and damage, maim and destroy - forcefully, painfully, lastingly. . . . Plans have been disrupted, deals have been lost, companies have fallen, because of idle gossip or malicious slander. Reputations have been sullied, careers have been ruined, lives have been devastated, because of cruel lies or vicious rumors. . . . Your words have such power to do good or evil that they must be chosen carefully, wisely, and well."
Wayne Dosick

A half truth is a whole lie.
Yiddish Proverb

"I will follow my logic, no matter where it goes, after it has consulted with my heart. If you ever come to a conclusion without calling the heart in, you will come to a bad conclusion."
Robert Ingersoll

Reality is bad enough. Why should I tell the truth?
Patrick Sky

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
Slovenian Proverb

"A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. . . . Is it really important . . . that you confront someone simply because . . . he or she has made a minor mistake? . . . Does a small scratch on your car really warrant a suit in small claims court? . . . These and thousands of other small things are what many people spend their lives fighting about. . . . If you don't want to 'sweat the small stuff,' it's critical that you choose your battles wisely."
Richard Carlson

The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
Adlai Stevenson

"Wink at small faults; remember thou hast great ones."
Benjamin Franklin

Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
Robert Brault

A little candor never leaves me. It is what protects me.
Antonio Porchia

Respect for the truth is an acquired taste.
Mark Van Doren

People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.
Richard J. Needham

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously. Thomas Sowell

“The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing.”
Johnny Depp

Cue the Truth Police

One of my greatest character flaws in running my mouth. When I get angry, I quickly spout off to whoever happens to be nearby. People who know me really well just let it go--they know that I will chill once the catharsis is complete. A good friend of mine recently reminded me that I need to be more careful who I choose as listener for my venting because he/she may not understand that no matter what I am saying, I am likely only momentarily upset.

This made me think about 'talking behind someone's back' and I realized that I probably do this far too often. Granted, most of it is harmless, 'ugggh' kinds of things--passing annoyances easily dismissed. Nevertheless, I decided that I should tell my friends/family directly when I am upset about something. I try to delineate between passing irritation and true issues that are getting in the way of my relationship with him/her. I recently made my first attempt at telling someone about what was bothering me, only to have it blow up in my face.

So, what now? I don't want to be cynical and just say, 'well, back to sh*t talking,' but seriously? Is this why so many people gossip and avoid honesty from the get-go? I realize that sometimes I could use more tact--who couldn't? But I want to feel as though I can speak candidly with the people in my life without fear of an nuclear meltdown in the relationship. I simply cannot tiptoe around on eggshells sugarcoating everything--it's hard on my back and sticky as all hell.

Maybe I just overestimate the openness of my relationships. Maybe I am just a jerk. Maybe most people just 'can't handle the truth!' But maybe, just maybe, I did what was true to me--and I won't apologize for that.

Lisa 'veritas vos liberabit' C

My Two Funny Girls

I have two friends that regularly crack me up. Here are some things these two ladies (and I use that term loosely) have said via MySpace, text message, or in conversation in the recent past:

Viva La Santa... wait a minute... that doesn't sound right. Give me a break. I've only lived here for six months. I'm practicing the language.

I like to think of our tezts as "delightfully tacky," much like the Hooter's slogan!
I love that I typed tezts. Wow...have another!

Over the holiday weekend a rattler wounded my dog Scooter. I ended up paying a pretty penny on anti-venom and care provided at the vet. I've gotten several, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" looks from co-workers regarding the pricey bill. The best though, is when a co-worker informed me I wasted money and Benadryl would've sufficed. Okay Ace Ventura, the snake bit my dog… he didn't sneeze on him.

Why would someone have texted you? Why would they have seen 'The Gooch' in my phone book and been like, yeah, I'll text that one?

Apparently he was half blind before we got him glasses. You should have heard him read the other night! He did so good!

If anyone asks, 'ho, ho, ho' is just what Santa says and has nothing to do with our picture.

Lisa 'giggling' C

Christmas Movie Faves

I love Christmas movies, and so I compiled the following list of my favorites. These are mostly sentimental faves--most are the ones we would watch on TV as kids. And even in the instant gratification buy the holiday DVD set age, I still like to catch most of these on TV:

1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: Who hasn't felt like a Misfit Toy at some point in their life?

2. A Charlie Brown Christmas: She may be a b**ch, but I really love Lucy.

3. Miracle on 34th Street: I think I established my love of Santa in the last blog, so it's not a stretch to see why I love this movie.

4. Elf: First, I adore Will Ferrell. Second, I cry whenever Santa's sleigh flies over the cynical New Yorkers' heads. I really love this movie.

5. It's a Wonderful Life: Classic.

Lisa 'in the holiday spirit' C

You'd better watch out!

The Santa Myth

November 21 2007

Whether you're the kind of parent who creeps in on Christmas Eve to deposit presents at the foot of the bed, or goes so far as to put sooty footprints on the living room floor, apparently most kids have twigged the truth about the man in the red suit by the time they're seven and three quarters.
Back in the more innocent 1970s, children apparently believed in Santa beyond the age of nine, but a new survey by Disney to mark the launch of Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause has found that today's kids are more clued-up.

From: http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/todaysnews07/news_211107_03.asp

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I was raised in the not-so-innocent-80s, and I am here to tell you that I believed in Santa.

Until I was 12.

Yes, really. (I was a late bloomer, in bra size and emotional maturity.) I'd suspected for a couple years, but when I finally pieced it all together, I told the family member I thought would be the least angry with me--a favorite aunt. She got wide eyes, and said, "You'd better talk to your dad." Crap. I was in trouble for not believing in Santa? My dad seemed somehow befuddled by this development in his little girl; he alternated between what seemed to be anger and disappointment. Finally, he pulled me aside, and told me that yes, I was right, there really was no fat man in a suit who delivered presents--but I had better be clear on one thing: "The spirit of Santa is very real. And that is what's important."

As with most things in life, my dad is so right.

My nine year old is dangerously close to not believing. And I, well, I feel my father's anger and disappointment at this development. Last year (when she was in third grade), she came home and questioned us constantly: "Mom, so-and-so said Santa isn't real...is he? How does he get to all the houses? Does he really live at the North Pole?" This was exhausting, this constant parade of know-it-all, disenchanted eight year olds trying to wreck my little girl's belief in Santa Claus. So you know what we did? We lied. We bought sleigh bells and made Santa-landing-on-the-roof-noises. We baked cookies and left them out for the big guy. We tracked Santa on NORAD's website. We kept her believing in Santa, if only for one more year.

In my research for this blog I found people calling Santa 'the big lie.' This crushes me a bit. Since when is believing in something you don't see, but benefit from, a terrible thing? I wasn't broken spirited when I found out Santa wasn't real. And when my kids quit believing, they'll be just fine (I may not be, however). My husband never believed in Santa, and he feels totally robbed. I did believe in Santa, and I am thankful. It's a lie, but as far as I am concerned--believing is always the truth.

Lisa 'Jolly ol' C

Burn, baby, burn!!

I am gearing up to teach Fahrenheit 451, and this if-you-never-read-it-but-always-wondered-what-it-was-about-GO-READ-IT-NOW cultural landmark of a novel always makes me think about how much books mean to me. So, in celebration of my Right to Read (ah, Cpt. Beatty--how I understand thee), I feel now is an appropriate time to talk about books I have loved and the sweet, sweet times we've had together (even if they didn't call me in the morning). I chose something from my past, and something that recently reminded me of the power of literature:

1. The Little House on the Prairie Series: These are the books that made me love reading. I think I read each one five or six times each, within a couple years' time. I loved Laura, her Pa, Ma, and sisters. I loved Jack, their little terrier who faithfully followed them across the prairie. I loved the idea of living in a dugout, and thanks to my favorite pioneer family, I still remember how to turn Maple syrup into candy using nothing but snow. Ah, the Ingalls...
2. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian by Sherman Alexie: This book somehow made me laugh and cry at the same time (really, I am not exaggerating). The book is partly autobiographical, and purely delightful. Alexie takes an unflinching look at 'the rez', and does not try to paint Native Americans, ahem, Indians, in any light other than the one he can shed on those nearest and dearest to him. There is tragedy, joy, and a basketball game that will wound you in the scarred place we all carry around from the trauma and triumph of high school.

God, I love books.

Lisa 'bookworm' C

What do you think?

Answer the following (in your mind, on a post-it, whatever). You must choose Agree or Disagree, you may choose neutral ONCE:

Technological advances make life better for everyone.

It is dangerous to place too much faith in technology.

Most teenagers are online too much.

Computer technology makes finding information faster and easier.

Adults too often use computer games as a kind of babysitter for their children.

Lisa 'Thinking' C

You. Have. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

Let's play that fun game of Which One Doesn't Belong':

You have a stylist, a personal dietician, and a trainer who keeps your body tight.

You are successful, and have made tons of money.

You hit the red carpet with camel toe.

Hmmmmm....

Lisa 'Dromedary' Cillessen

Oh, the humanity!

Observations as I shopped on Black Friday:

1. A woman lost her child in Children's Place (I never realized how ironic that store name was until that moment). I was at the checkout and noticed a great many people saying, 'Ashley' over and over again. The store employees were suddenly all over their walkie-talkies, and the phone by the register in front of me was occupied with a woman calling mall security. The mother was over my left shoulder, bawling her eyes out, hoarsely calling 'Ashley'...when suddenly the woman on the phone said, 'Ma'am, ma'am...mall security has her. They'll be here in a second.' Even the day after Thanksgiving there is always reason to be thankful.
2. My mother-in-law was talking on the phone via earpiece when a Lowe's store employee came up to ask if we needed help. Before I could answer that we needed Velcro, Patti said, "Baby, whatever you want..." (to my father-in-law about buying pizza). The poor guy's eyes went quite large for a second before I explained that she was on the phone.
3. At 6 p.m. in another store:

Store Clerk (holding the copy of 'Chuck and Larry' we were buying): "Have you guys seen this movie? Oh my gosh...it is sooooo funny. I laughed so hard! It's really, really good.

Me: How long have you been here?

Store Clerk: Me? Oh just a few months...

Me: (I make a face.)

Store Clerk: Oh, you mean today...oh. I got here at 3.

Me: Ah.

She was the first perky clerk I'd seen all day. Most store employees had been on since 4 a.m. so by noon they were spent. Speaking of spent...I am headed to bed...

Lisa 'Shopped 'til I Dropped' C

Because it needs to be said...

I have three family members planning weddings right now. All parties will be married within four weeks time next summer. As everyone plans their weddings, I feel compelled to say a few things...

Above all else, weddings are about union. The matrimonial celebration is not only about the joining of a couple, but the joining of families. I feel very powerfully that a wedding should be about inclusion--not exclusion. Argue if you will that it is 'their day' and they can do what 'they' want because it is 'their wedding'--in which case I ask, then why don't 'they' go have 'their wedding' by 'themselves'? Why worry so much about who is paying for what, how many people to invite, and where grandma is sitting if the special day is just for the two people getting married? The idea that a wedding is just for the couple is total bull. I'm pretty sure no couple pays $32 a head for 'their' enjoyment.

Someone whom I love dearly has recently been excluded from just such a celebration. By excluded, I do not mean the wedding party is 'full'--I mean she was left out to the tune of, "I picked ________ (a non-family member, while my friend is) to be in the wedding...you're not upset are you?" My darling friend is far more diplomatic than I am and she won't blog about how hurt she is--but I will. I think it is absolutely wrong to callously pick and choose wedding party members when it costs the wedding couple NOTHING to add people to the party. The bridesmaids/groomsmen take care of their own clothing, etc. so logistically the policy of pick and choose doesn't make sense. And going back to my argument of inclusion--why not work toward having more people there to support and eventually sustain your marriage than fewer? I know what marriage looks like two, four, and eight years into it, and those who were included on my wedding day are still those who I count on to support our marriage.

Hurt feelings last indefinitely. A wedding day lasts for 24 hours.

Lisa 'gotta say it' C