I have three family members planning weddings right now. All parties will be married within four weeks time next summer. As everyone plans their weddings, I feel compelled to say a few things...
Above all else, weddings are about union. The matrimonial celebration is not only about the joining of a couple, but the joining of families. I feel very powerfully that a wedding should be about inclusion--not exclusion. Argue if you will that it is 'their day' and they can do what 'they' want because it is 'their wedding'--in which case I ask, then why don't 'they' go have 'their wedding' by 'themselves'? Why worry so much about who is paying for what, how many people to invite, and where grandma is sitting if the special day is just for the two people getting married? The idea that a wedding is just for the couple is total bull. I'm pretty sure no couple pays $32 a head for 'their' enjoyment.
Someone whom I love dearly has recently been excluded from just such a celebration. By excluded, I do not mean the wedding party is 'full'--I mean she was left out to the tune of, "I picked ________ (a non-family member, while my friend is) to be in the wedding...you're not upset are you?" My darling friend is far more diplomatic than I am and she won't blog about how hurt she is--but I will. I think it is absolutely wrong to callously pick and choose wedding party members when it costs the wedding couple NOTHING to add people to the party. The bridesmaids/groomsmen take care of their own clothing, etc. so logistically the policy of pick and choose doesn't make sense. And going back to my argument of inclusion--why not work toward having more people there to support and eventually sustain your marriage than fewer? I know what marriage looks like two, four, and eight years into it, and those who were included on my wedding day are still those who I count on to support our marriage.
Hurt feelings last indefinitely. A wedding day lasts for 24 hours.
Lisa 'gotta say it' C
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